Never Let Me Go
by heytheregisela
Summary: As Sam lies unresponsive in the hospital, Dean finds comfort in a fallen angel. [[Destiel]]
1. Chapter One

A/N: Hey everyone!

This is my first Supernatural/Destiel fanfic ever. I'm not sure if I'll continue it. Here's the first chapter. I just want to see how you all react to it. ^_^

I saw the preview for season 9 and got inspired to write this.

* * *

Sam just lied there, almost lifelessly, but judging by the way his stomach rose slowly with the soft breathes he took and the monitor still beeping, it was a definite that he was indeed still alive. Dean sighed as he leaned over slightly in his seat, staring at the features on his little brother's face. He furrowed his eyebrows as if expecting to see Sam open his eyes, but no.

Nothing.

Only silence between the brothers.

"Come on, Sam," Dean whispered. "Pull through. You can do this. I know you can. You're strong."

No response.

Green eyes felt watery, but Dean held those tears back. Allowing them to fall would do nothing. It would not help his brother and though it would soothe a small amount of the pain, it would only be temporarily. Making crying to be useless overall.

"You're going to fight this," Dean whispered again. "You're going to fight, just like you always have. You're a fighter, Sammy. You don't give up." But since he received no response in return again, the urge to stay strong began to decrease.

Dean felt his lower lip quiver just a bit and he took a deep breath. "We could've prevented this, Sam. I could've taken those trials instead of you like we planned in the beginning. This could've been me lying in the hospital bed instead of you, or better yet, dead." He pursed his lips as he struggled to hold in those stubborn tears. "I told you I'd rather be dead then have this happen to you. I told you that you deserved that normal life and you will get it. Believe me, Sammy, you will." He scooted his chair closer to the hospital bed and grabbed Sam's wrist. "Because you will fight this. If any reaper gets near you, you look them in the eye and say 'Not this time'. Especially not while I'm still around. You understand?"

And yet, silence enveloped them and Dean felt his patience fading, along with his hope. Whatever hope was. He never really had hope in anything. If things happened, they happened. If they didn't, then they didn't.

But right now, he hoped his little brother would speak. He hoped that things would return to normal. Well, _their _version of normal.

Dean sighed as he stood up from his seat and walked over to the window. Staring out, he saw only a few cars driving by, revealing a slow, yet peaceful day for the outside world. Good for those people.

They didn't know what had happened, that all the angels from heaven had fallen because of a trick a certain angel was fooled into. The poor bastard only wanted heaven to restore to its original state, and he got quite the opposite.

Dean closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "Cas... man, I know you can't hear me... not anymore. It's too bad you didn't get what you wanted. We're the kind of people who don't deserve to get what we want. It's just seems to be how our lives work." Slowly, his eyelids lifted and he stared up at the sky. "Wherever you are, Cas. Humans are just as much as dicks as you guys were." Dean smirked to himself, but it faded almost too quickly as the tears began to burn his eyes again. "Right now, I need you. Cas... where are you?" And as a single tear made its way down his cheek, Dean squeezed his eyes shut.

* * *

Castiel stared at the road up ahead as he slowly walked it with nothing but emptiness following. It had only been a day since he started his new life as a _human_.

The thought so unfamiliar.

The feeling all too confusing.

His stomach was growling. His head was pounding. And he was just exhausted. If only there were somewhere he could lie for the rest of the dying day, but the side of the road wasn't comforting. No matter how tired he was, it wasn't worth sleeping on hard, dirty ground. Though it was starting to look inviting the more he walked.

But he was determined to keep going, to search for who he was searching for—Dean Winchester.

The last time he saw him, the hunter had been worried for his brother's life after being told that the trials were going to not just close the gates of hell, but also kill the one who took the challenge.

Castiel's lips parted slightly as he recalled Naomi's words and he could feel guilt rising in him. She had told him the angel trials weren't going to help, and he didn't listen. Now, she was dead, and he couldn't shake the feeling away that it was his fault. He hadn't wanted to believe her.

But she had been right about everything.

Cas swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head.

Did that mean that... Sam was... dead?

Or had Dean managed to rescue him?

The fallen angel in a trench coat rubbed his eyes in frustration. He needed these answers. He needed to know if Dean was okay, if _Sam_ was okay. Sam was an utter mess the last he saw him. And Cas just wanted to be there with them. He wanted to listen to Dean's voice and maybe even comfort him if Sam was really not well. Cas was never great with comforting, but if it would help the only best friend he had ever had, then he would attempt to soothe whatever sorrow Dean was feeling.

If it meant those green eyes would brighten up again, then Cas would do it.

The last time they had spoken, they weren't exactly on great terms together, but even in the past when things were rough in their friendship, they always found a way back to each other.

Cas stopped abruptly at the thought, his blue eyes widening.

Yes.

He would find Dean.

He always found Dean.

And Dean always found him.

It would be no different this time. He would make sure of it.

And with the new burst of confidence, the fallen angel began to jog. He had no idea where he was heading to, but he had a feeling that, somehow, if he kept going, he would find the path that led back to the Winchesters.

And it was quite a silly thought, he knew that. Dean and Sam were probably on the other side of the country, because when he was blasted back to Earth, Cas had no idea where exactly he had landed, but that didn't stop him from continuing on his way.

He knew he would find them.

He had to.


	2. Chapter Two

The nurse had just been standing there, in the doorway, smiling as she listened to Dean tell stories to Sam about their childhood, how they handled each first day of school. The nurse, Lucy, couldn't quite understand why they had to travel so much—what kind of father would let their kids have to go through all those schools, to have to start over practically every month? She didn't question, though, because that would lead to having to confess that she had been spying on them. Dean started to tell another story to his unconscious brother when Lucy finally decided ten minutes had been enough eavesdropping. She knocked on the door, straightening herself up as if to seem that she had just arrived to the room.

Dean looked over and raised his eyebrows to see her there.

"Any response at all?" She asked him.

Dean sighed in defeat as he shook his head. "Nothing."

"I'm so sorry. He will come around, though."

"Yeah you keep saying that, but I know what the doc thinks." Dean rubbed his face with his hands and squinted his eyes. "Because the fact is, none of you believe Sam's gonna make it."

Lucy opened her mouth to say more, but it was the truth. Sam was in critical condition, and as much as they wanted him to be well, it seemed almost impossible. It would be a miracle if Sam woke with no problem.

But she spoke anyway, "A prayer might help. God will-"

"Don't give me that," Dean shot her a glare. "Don't give me that whole God speech. I know enough to know he's not listening." He turned his attention back to his brother. "Not anymore, anyway. Hasn't been for a while. Nobody up there is anymore." He licked his lips as Castiel came to mind. The wonder, or rather, worry of where the hell that fallen angel was began to linger in his thoughts.

He went back to the last time he had seen him, how he honestly was all for locking Cas up in Heaven if it meant all the other angels would be locked up, too. He was going to risk losing Cas forever, and though it was because at the time he was angry with angel, Dean was relieved it hadn't happened. He knew he would have been regretting it now if it had occurred.

"Dean?" Lucy's voice came to his attention and he turned his head to face the young nurse again. She sighed and flashed him a soft smile. "Never doubt him, Dean."

It took Dean a moment to remember what they had been talking about before he lost himself in his own thoughts, but once he did remember, he shrugged. "It's too late for that."

Seeing that conversation with him wasn't going to work out, Lucy frowned and made her back to her desk and Dean felt more relaxed that was she gone. He knew she meant well with the whole prayers and all and she didn't know of anything Dean had went through, but he still couldn't help but feel a bit annoyed by it. He sat up in his chair and stared at Sam, how his stomach slowly rose and then back down, how the color from his face was almost gone, how even his hair looked dull.

"They only think what they think because they don't know you like I do, Sammy," Dean told him. "They don't know the kind of fighter you are."

But as always, no response came in return. As much as Dean tried to smile, it failed to happen. He just didn't want to pretend to feel confident about this. Maybe they were right... No.

No, definitely not.

They didn't know anything. They were took quick to give up on Sam, and Dean wasn't about to give up. It had only been a few days. There was still time, and hell, there still even some _hope_ left.

He got up from his seat and walked over to the window to stare out. What else was he supposed to do? He didn't want to leave the room. What if Sam woke up when he was out? Dean sighed through his nose as he watched people walk by down below on the sidewalk. Each of them were beginning to look familiar, like he had seen them walk by the day before, and the day before that. Maybe he saw them walk by earlier when he woke up and looked outside.

But some were really looking familiar to him, like he knew them by name. Dean blinked hard and shook his head as he saw a man wearing a trench coat walk by, choppy dark hair and seeming confused by his swaying, slow walk. It was so familiar to him that Dean wanted to laugh as he told himself how that man reminded him so much of...

The smile quickly faded from his face as he looked closer at the man wearing the trench coat. His heart sped up followed by his widening eyes.

"Cas?" The name escaped his mouth without his control.

He looked back at Sam before debating with himself whether to run out and check to see if that was indeed Castiel. Dean swallowed hard before agreeing to it and he was quick about it. He didn't want to lose sight of this man. He didn't want to lose his chances just in case it really was Cas.

He ran passed the front desk that Lucy looked up and called out for him, asking him what was going on, but Dean didn't stop to answer her. He pushed open the front doors, mindlessly ignoring those trying to get inside. He stepped onto the sidewalk and quickly began to look around, scanning each person from left to right and across the street, but the man was out of sight. Everyone around him was moving fast that he told himself to relax enough to be able to check more clearly.

But no.

The man was gone.

Dean slumped his shoulders as disappointment filled him. What if it was Cas? What if it wasn't? Should he even bother to care? It didn't matter either way anymore.

"I don't understand. Why am I not getting my food?" Cas squinted his eyes as he stared at the vending machine next to the hospital entrance. "I put in the right amount. I pressed the buttons. Why are you refusing me service?"

Dean shook his head as he turned back around to head back inside.

Cas narrowed his eyes. "I'm hungry and you betrayed me."

"Try kicking it," an elderly woman said as she walked by him, smiling softly.

Castiel blinked and faced her. "What good would that do?"

"Sometimes it gets jammed. Go on, kick it. You'll see how it'll work."

With some hesitation, Cas stepped back and huffed before raising his foot up and kicking the machine in front of him. Dean stopped abruptly at the door from the sound and furrowed his eyebrows as he looked over to see what was going on.

The small bag of chips finally made their way down and Cas grinned in satisfaction. He looked at woman and thanked her.

"No problem," she said. "My grandson tends to do that all the time. I figured it would work now."

"Strange to have to show violence to a machine for it to work," Cas told her.

The woman laughed as she turned around and walked off. She smiled at Dean before entering, but Dean was much too distracted by gaping at the sight of Cas standing there.

"Cas?" He finally managed to say.

The fallen angel looked over at the sound of his name and froze for a moment. "Dean."

The corners of Dean's lips rose. "Son of a bitch, it is you." He walked up to him, his smile growing bigger. "Man, where have you been?" As they stood face-to-face, Dean examined Castiel's features. He didn't seem to be hurt in anyway.

"After I fell, I just wandered around," Cas explained. "Sleeping in the most uncomfortable places."

Dean nodded. "Just wandering around?"

Cas thought about what to say next, but then he decided on simply telling the truth. "Well, searching for you."

There was something about the way Cas said it that made Dean feel, well, warm inside. He felt safe... a bit content... and beyond relieved. A soft smile crept up on his face and his eyes even began to look warmer to Castiel.

"It's good to see you, Cas," Dean said.

They stared into each other's eyes, green getting lost in blue, but Cas turned away suddenly and cleared his throat. "Considering you're here at the hospital," finding the confidence, he faced Dean again, "I must ask, is Sam okay?"

And when the warmth from Dean's face faded, Cas immediately knew the answer. "I'm sorry, Dean. He'll be alright."

"That's what I keep telling myself, too," Dean sighed, finding comfort in staring at the ground rather than at his friend.

"He _will_ be alright, Dean." The sound of determination in Castiel's voice caused Dean to look back up. He could see the concern in those all-too familiar blue eyes that he couldn't help but smile.

And he nodded. "Man, Cas... it _really_ is good to see you."

Castiel stepped forward, his lips parted slightly. The closeness would have been too much for Dean before, but it didn't bother him now.

"It's good to see you, too, Dean," Cas said, in such a soft voice that Dean found it easier to smile.

What was it about Castiel's presence that seemed to suddenly relax Dean? Just before seeing him, he felt lost, worried sick about his brother, and now he was smiling, feeling better about Sam's well being, almost like knowing for sure he would recover. Dean let out a long breath, feeling as though he had been holding it in. It probably was just relief, relief that he longer needed to worry about where Cas was. The worry he still had was much too strong, but Cas had lifted some weight off his shoulders, and that was a decent feeling.

The two made their way into the building and up to where Sam still rested, eyes closed, no movements but his continuous gentle breathing, maybe too gentle. Though with man wearing a trench coat in the room, everything felt more calm, more steady. And Dean sat in silence as he listened to Castiel explain what exactly happened. He liked the distraction. He was thankful for it. He needed it.

Or rather, it was Cas he needed, to be there with him.

And now he was.

So even though what the fallen angel was telling him wasn't anything happy, Dean smiled, just from noticing how Castiel's eyebrows furrowed a bit as he explained. He smiled, but not enough to seem as if he was amused with the story. He smiled a smile that told Cas he was happy that he was there.

* * *

A/N: Omg, so I'm guessing I'm going to give this story a try. I adore these two, so why not? Haha.


	3. Chapter Three

"If I could, Dean," Castiel said as he sadly stared at the almost lifeless form that was Sam Winchester, "I would heal Sam as best as I could, at least to the point where he would be awake."

Dean sighed and nodded, before breathing out a laugh. "It's alright. You told me before that what Sam had was too much that even you couldn't heal."

"I would still try," Cas whispered. He would try, for Dean. If he still had his powers, he would try to awaken Sam, knowing very well that it would take a load off Dean. "You look tired. Have you been here this whole time?"

Dean smiled weakly. "Of course I have."

"Have you eaten at all?" Concern rose in the fallen angel's voice and Dean wanted to laugh again, but he held it in as he nodded.

Cas nodded as well. "And sleep?"

"Well, the chair's not comfortable, but it's something. I'm still getting my four hours."

"Dean-"

"Look, Cas. I'm doing fine, despite what's going on in front of me." Dean shook his head, trying to find more to say. There had to be more to explain. Castiel didn't seem convinced. "It's not like I haven't dealt with an unconscious Sam before."

And Cas couldn't think of what more to say. What was there to say? He stood by as he watched Dean sit back in the chair right next to Sam's bed. He watched as the sorrow in those green eyes increased and he didn't understand how something so... so... Castiel furrowed his eyebrows slightly as he tilted his head, examining Dean's features, because he couldn't understand why he wanted to describe Dean as beautiful. But Dean was beautiful. And his eyes... why did such beauty have such a sad tone to them?

"What was the last decent meal you've had?" He asked, hoping to distract himself from his newfound thoughts.

Dean blinked up at him, shrugging at the man wearing a trench coat. "Two days ago."

Castiel's eyes widened. "Dean," he said sternly.

"What?"

"Then what have you been eating?"

"Whatever's in those vending machines. I rather settle for snacks than cafeteria food."

Cas shook his head as he crossed his arms and Dean smirked in amusement.

"What?" He asked Cas.

"That isn't healthy. We should go, get you something to eat."

Dean's face seem to harden. "No. I'm not leaving Sammy's side."

"Dean-"

"I said no. If you wanna go get something to eat now that you can actually get hungry, then by all means, go eat. I'm not interested."

Castiel looked down at his feet, feeling the urge to just grab Dean and drag him out of there. His eyes lit up as an idea came to mind. "But what if there's pie?"

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? My brother's more important than pie, Cas. What if he wakes up while we're gone?"

"Then he'll wake up, and we'll be back to a surprise. A good one."

And when Dean said nothing, Cas continued to speak, "He's in a hospital, Dean. We are not leaving him stranded in the middle of nowhere. He's safe here."

"You sure about that?" Dean abruptly asked. "I don't think any of us are ever safe anymore, _especially_ in a hospital."

"I'm only asking for an hour," Castiel went on as he stepped forward. "You need to eat."

"What I need is for you to shut up." Dean shifted in his seat, turning to get a better look at Cas without having to turn his head. "Why don't you go stand over there and look pretty and leave me alone for now?"

It felt sort of like a pinch, well something that should have hurt, but instead, it tickled inside Cas' stomach at the fact that Dean had called him pretty. He didn't want to dwell on it, though, figuring it was something probably all humans said to each other. _Did _they call each other pretty? How was one to even go about looking pretty?

"That may be simple for you to do," he said, almost quietly and hesitantly, "but I don't quite understand how that works."

Dean opened his mouth to respond before it dawned on him what Castiel had actually said, but he didn't want to talk about it. He quickly licked his lips and sighed. "Uh, uh... well, so... food?"

Dean knew if he just gave in, Cas wouldn't bother him about it anymore. It felt nice being somewhere else besides the hospital, somewhere where it didn't smell like medicine and body odor. They walked into the diner, Cas immediately halting in his tracks.

"We have to pay, I almost forgot," he said. "I don't have any-"

Dean held his hand up, stopping his friend from saying anymore. "I got it."

But Cas felt ashamed of himself. He had wanted to pay for Dean, just to do something nice for him, especially since he was the one to get him out of the hospital practically by force. It was the least he could have done.

They made their way to a booth, Cas squinting his eyes only a bit when Dean winked at their waitress as she set their menus down before walking off. The corners of Cas' lips twitched up a bit as he realized what he just saw was that charming side of Dean. He liked it. He liked seeing Dean be more of himself instead of just down and worried over his brother. Dean mentioned something about Crowley and Cas listened carefully until their waitress returned to take their orders.

"Well, I'll have the bacon cheeseburger," Dean said, and Cas couldn't help but smile again. Dean shifted his eyes to across the table to face Cas and smirked.

"How about you, sweetie?" Their waitress asked the fallen angel.

Castiel held Dean's stare for a moment before blinking hard and looking up at the blonde. "I'll have the same."

She scribbled it down and told them it would be ready soon. Once she was gone again, Cas and Dean faced each other. There was something almost off about the way Cas stared at Dean, but it wasn't anything to make him feel uncomfortable. It was merely different and he wanted to ask if everything was alright, but in the end, he shrugged it off and mindlessly looked out the window instead. Dean found it easier to stare at the clear blue sky than at Cas' clear blue eyes.

"Dean," Cas said after a while and Dean swallowed hard before facing him again, but before he could say anymore, their food arrived and he was immediately shut from their waitress asking them if they needed anything else.

Dean pursed his lips as he shook his head and Cas smiled at her before shaking his head as well. They ate in mostly silence, but Dean did order a slice of cherry pie for dessert, and left as soon as they were done, Dean quickly paying the check and leaving a tip. Cas sighed as they reached the hospital, trailing behind Dean. He jogged a bit to catch up, but Dean hadn't even notice and Cas knew it was because he was anxious to get back to Sam.

And Dean was. His heart raced a little against his chest as the hopes of walking into that room and seeing Sam smiling at him, but he groaned a little to himself. _Don't get your hopes up, _he thought to himself, _it's not worth it._ Dean took a deep breath as he and Castiel made their way into the room and Dean's heart almost dropped to see Sam's eyes closed, lying in the same position.

"Nothing," he whispered. "Still nothing." He turned around to make eye-contact with his friend and he raised his hands up as he shrugged. "But what can you do, right?"

Cas nodded slowly, not sure of how to respond to that. Dean's eyes lingered down and Cas stiffened a bit.

"What are you looking at?" He asked Dean.

Dean smiled sadly. "You and that damn trench coat." Cas just stared at him, blank expression, lips slightly parted, unsure whether that was supposed to be some sort of compliment or not.

"What about it?"

"It's probably the only thing that's really keeping me together right now," Dean told him.

Cas felt like laughing, thinking it was some sort of a joke, but when Dean showed no indication of humor on his face, the fallen angel cleared his throat.

"You're serious?" He asked and Dean furrowed his eyebrows. Why would he lie about that?

"Yeah, I am."

And with that, Cas quickly pulled the coat off of him, Dean watching in confusion, but his expression softened once Cas held out the coat to him.

"Cas-"

"I want you to wear it."

"Hey, it's-"

"If it brings you comfort, then wear it. I insist." Castiel smiled and with almost no hesitation, Dean took the coat, looking it over in his hands, feeling the way the fabric felt against his fingers.

"I'm going somewhere," Cas suddenly said, making Dean look back up.

"What?"

"I'll be back," Cas assured him. "I just need to grab a couple of things."

Dean frowned as he sat down in his usual chair. He knew Cas would be back, but he just didn't to be alone. _But you're not alone. Sammy's here. _Dean looked over at his brother and sighed, before turning back to face Cas.

"Alright," he said.

Cas nodded and began to head out, but Dean's voice stopped him, "Hey. Don't get into any trouble."

The corners of Cas' lips rose up. He looked at Dean once more as he said, "You as well." He walked out of there, the smile still on his face.

Dean grinned lopsidedly as he looked down at the coat resting on his lap. He stroked it gently. Did Cas expect him to wear it? _Did_ he want to wear it? Dean lifted up the coat, holding it up to his nostrils. He stopped to think about his actions. What the hell was he doing? But without bothering to dwell on it, he inhaled the smell and sighed loudly. The coat seem to have a mixture of scents—rain, wind with a hint of soap.

Dean sat back, holding the coat against him. He stared up at the ceiling and smiled. He didn't really know why he was smiling. He wasn't even thinking about anything in particular, but he just felt like smiling and he knew there was nothing wrong with that. Sure beats feeling like shit.

* * *

It was around an hour later, Dean's eyes were droopy, and he was just about to allow himself to close them when he heard a sudden gasp. It was low and fast that he wasn't quite sure he had even heard it correctly, but opening his eyes wide, he saw Sam's fingers twitching and he hissed through his teeth. Dean jumped up from his seat, Cas' trench coat falling off his lap and onto the floor, completely ignored and Dean went to grab Sam's shoulders.

"Sammy?!" Dean called. "Sam, it's alright. I'm here. I got you. Sam? Sam?!"

Sam twitched a bit, his head moving to the side, but his eyes remained closed. Dean began to shake him, begging him to wake up, but as Sam gave no more response, no more movements, Dean let go. He fell into his chair as he stumbled backwards from almost slipping on the trench coat. His eyes watered and his breathing quickened.

"Sammy... come on, man!" He yelled, leaning forward. "Wake up!"

Nothing.

"Damnit!" He curled his fingers into tight fists, having the urge to hit something—anything, just to let his frustration out. He looked down at the coat and grabbed it off the ground, clutching it tightly in his hands.

"Cas, where the hell are you?" He asked it. "You said you'd be back. So come back already!"

Dean hopelessly held the coat against him again, hugging it tenderly as the tears rolled down his cheeks. He didn't want to cry, god how he didn't want to cry, but he did anyway. He couldn't help himself. They just came, almost as if naturally, and he hated it. He just wanted Sam to wake up. He wanted Cas to hurry the fuck up.

He didn't want to be alone.

Cas didn't come back for another hour after that. He was practically glowing as he sauntered into the room, but his smile immediately faded as he was greeted by a frantic Dean.

"Cas, what took you so long?" Dean asked, glaring at the man now standing in front of him. His expression softened as he took notice of Cas' attire. He was wearing a completely different outfit; a red jacket, a plain white shirt, and blue fitted jeans. But it wasn't just that, he was also holding a few bags. "You went _shopping_?" Dean furrowed his eyebrows.

Castiel sighed and nodded slowly. "Yes. I was in need of something more comfortable, but as I said, I had no money left. I was hoping to find myself somewhere, somehow. I tried applying for a job, but they asked me too many questions and finally, I wasn't comfortable anymore. This woman gave me fifty dollars-"

Dean's eyebrows rose. "Fifty dollars? She just gave you fifty dollars?"

"Yes, well, she was very kind and told me she only gave me money because I seemed in need and she didn't mind giving to those who needed." Cas blinked twice at the thought. "I'm not sure how a man wearing a suit looks to be in need of help, but-"

"But whatever," Dean finished for him. "You got money and you went shopping... for four hours."

Castiel shook his head. "I did mention the first part, didn't I?"

And Dean nodded. "Well when you were gone on your... shopping spree, Sammy here decided to get a little crazy on me."

Cas' eyes widened. "He woke up?"

"Not exactly."

"I see." Cas sighed. "Let me take care of him."

Dean rolled his eyes. "What are you talking about? You can't-"

"I meant to let me stay here with him while you go sleep at motel instead of a chair."

"No."

"Dean-"

"Cas, I'm not leaving him."

Cas set his shopping bags down and looked at Dean again. "Dean, there is a motel just down the street. If Sam wakes up, I will notify you as soon as it happens, and wouldn't you like to sleep on a bed?"

Dean considered the offer. A bed did sound nice and it was getting pretty late. His eyes moved over to stare at his brother and a long sigh escaped his mouth before nodding.

"Alright," he said. "I'll go, but I don't care what time it is, Cas, if he wakes up, you call me no matter what. You understand?"

Castiel nodded. "I do and I will." His lips twitched up in a smile as Dean yawned. "Have a good night, Dean."

Dean shrugged as he made his way towards the door. He grabbed the doorknob, but then stopped as he remembered. Turning around, he stared at the trench coat still resting on the chair. Without saying a word to Cas from feeling suddenly too embarrassed, he walked back over and grabbed the coat, clutching it tightly in his hands. He was met with curious eyes from Castiel, but he simply said, "Uh, sometimes the bed sheets at motels aren't warm enough." Dean held up the trench coat. "You never know when you'll need some... extra layers," he said the last two words quietly as if feeling foolish for making up the excuse, but Cas seemed to believe it.

"Night, Cas," Dean mumbled on his way out.

Cas stared at the door, a soft smile on his face. He sat himself down on the chair and relaxed into it as he watched over Sam, his eyes feeling sore from how tired they were, but he told himself he would stay awake for at least another hour.

Dean checked himself into a motel room. He took his jacket off and tossed it on the table near the bathroom. He thought about washing his face, but the bed was too hard to resist. Grabbing Castiel's trench coat, he lied himself down on the bed, pulling the covers over him along with the coat. For some reason, just having it was there gave him a warm feel of security, like everything was actually okay. He took a deep breath as he rolled over onto his side and slowly closed his eyes.

Sam would be okay with Cas, so there was nothing to worry about. Dean knew Cas would take care of his brother. And with those thoughts, he found it easy to drift off.


	4. Chapter Four

The morning air was crisp against Castiel's skin, but he didn't mind it. The time said it was around six in the morning, the sun was still rising, and Cast just wanted, no... he felt like he _needed _to see Dean. He didn't want to wait for Dean to come to him first. Cas rushed into the motel room, the sound of the door slamming shut startled Dean, abruptly waking him up.

Dean immediately sat up when he noticed it was Cas who had come in, worry beginning to sink into him. "What is it?! Is Sam okay?"

"Hello Dean," Cas said, making his way towards the bed. "I apologize for the interruption. Sam is the same," he wanted to add 'unfortunately', but decided against it. He didn't need to sound negative. That was the last thing Dean needed.

"How was your sleep?" Cas asked him instead.

Dean sighed as he shrugged. "Decent, but I can't complain either, ya know, before you came in, scaring the crap out of me."

"I'm sorry."

"Ah, it's fine." Dean slowly got himself out of the bed and threw his arms up as he stretched, his shirt lifting as he did so.

Cas caught sight of that firm stomach and quickly turned away, not wanting to be distracted by it. He didn't know why he would be distracted at all, but he was, and he resisted the urge to look again.

"It should have been me," he heard Dean say in a soft voice, almost as if he didn't want Cas to hear, but it didn't work.

"Pardon?" Cas asked, stepping closer to him to get a better listen.

Dean seemed to hesitate, but he did speak up. "I said it should have been me. I was supposed to be the one to go through those trials. I should have-" He licked his lips as he thought about what else to say. "That should have been me in that hospital, or better, just completely dead and done with." He huffed as he made his way into the bathroom to wash up.

Cas raised an eyebrow as he followed. "You don't mean that-"

"Are you kidding me, Cas?" Dean spun around, glaring at the fallen angel in front of him. "If it meant that Sam would up walking around and alive, you better fucking believe I mean that."

"I wouldn't have let you. I wouldn't have let Sam either if I knew this was the outcome."

But Dean didn't say anything as he turned back around and just faced the plain white wall ahead. Castiel waited a moment until he knew he wasn't going to get a response.

"Dean, look at me," he said in what sounded like a begging tone and when Dean still didn't say anything or move, Cas placed his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Look at me."

Dean inhaled a deep breath and slowly let it out as he turned to face him again, his eyes shifted down to Cas' hand still on his shoulder.

"Dean," Cas began, voice so soft, it was hard to not to relax. "If you want the truth, then I will give it to you, and that is that you and Sam both didn't deserve this-"

"Don't give me that!" Dean grabbed Castiel's hand and Cas felt himself tense up at the sudden touch, lips slightly parting, but he stared into Dean's eyes as he listened. "Don't you dare give me that crap, Cas! We don't deserve it? If anyone deserves it, it's US!" Dean threw Cas' hand off his shoulder and shook his head.

"And what is wrong with that?" The fallen angel asked sternly, narrowing his eyes at Dean.

"Let's start with what's not wrong!"

"Dean, everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has their faults. You cannot punish yourself for the rest of your life."

"And why not?!"

Cas wrinkled his nose as he stepped forward. "Because I won't let you!"

Dean grinned and rolled his eyes. He breathed out a weak laugh. "Oh yeah?" His eyebrows rose. "And how the hell do you plan on stopping me?"

Cas didn't even hesitate. He grabbed Dean's arms, gripping them tightly, yet not too much for it to hurt. It felt as though he had no control over himself, like an itch he couldn't bare to ignore anymore and Dean just stared at him for a second, eyes wide, wondering what Cas was planning to do.

"This," Castiel said through clenched teeth before pressing his lips against Dean's.

When hands were lightly placed on his waist, Cas loosened his grip on Dean's arms and it took him a bit to realize that he was up against the wall. Soft lips found their way on his neck and Cas didn't know what to even do with hands anymore. He just wanted to touch Dean everywhere—his neck, his hair, his back, anywhere he could reach in the position he was currently in. A shiver ran through him and he felt his knees becoming weak, but Dean seemed to have noticed as he held Cas up, pinning his wrist against the wall. The hunter started placing gentle kisses along Cas' jaw line, winning a moan from Cas.

"Cas," Dean breathlessly whispered in Cas' ear.

"Yes, Dean?" Cas opened his eyes, not realizing he had closed them and met with Dean's green eyes.

"I want you," Dean said as he leaned in. "So badly."

And Castiel closed his eyes again, preparing himself to feel those lips against his own for a second time.

It was all over too soon. Cas gasped as he opened his eyes to find himself sitting in the same chair he had been sitting in since Dean left the hospital. A dream. It was only a dream, but how if he could feel it all so well? Cas sat up as he rubbed himself, feeling the beads of sweat running down his face. He leaned forward in his seat as he tried to catch his breathe, breathing in and out slowly.

He shook his head, hoping the thoughts of the dream would shake away with it, but they wouldn't. It kept replaying—Dean's lips touching him, torturing him, arousing him. Cas shifted in his seat, still forcing himself to remember that it was just a dream. It meant nothing. He swallowed hard and sighed, relaxing under the thought.

"These foolish dreams," he whispered to himself, although he looked up to Sam as if waiting for the Winchester to reply. "They certainly do have an effect on us, don't they?" Yet he wasn't at all surprised when he didn't get a response.

An hour passed when Dean arrived, holding a white paper bag and two cups of coffee. Castiel felt his heart rate increase and he tried his best to steady himself as he stood up to greet him.

"Good morning, Dean," he said in a slur.

Dean furrowed his eyebrows slightly, but shrugged it off and he smiled. "Hey, Cas. Anything?" He nodded towards Sam.

The fallen angel had to think about Dean's question for a moment, feeling uncomfortable in the hunter's presence. He cleared his throat and shook his head. "N-no. Sam is... uh, he's the same." His hands twitched as he realized he had given Dean the exact answer he had given him in his dream, though he quickly let it go. It was silly to get so worked up over it. It didn't mean that his dream was going to come true or anything, and it wasn't like he wanted it to, anyway...

Dean sighed softly as he handed Castiel one of the coffees along with a breakfast burrito. The smell of the burrito wasn't too appetizing, but feeling the rumble in his stomach, Cas bit into it, deciding it was better than nothing.

"Thank you," he said softly to Dean.

Dean smiled at him, but they ate in uncomfortable silence. It was unnecessary, really, the silence, yet he didn't question it. Whatever was on Cas' mind was probably nothing too serious. He knew Cas would talk about it if it was, unless he hoped Cas would.

"The doctor keeps trying to tell me how Sam's not gonna make it," Dean said before taking a sip of his coffee. He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Guess I just belong alone."

Castiel chewed and swallowed his final piece of the burrito. "You're not alone, Dean. You'll never be alone. I'll be here." He wanted to reach out to Dean, grab his hand and squeeze it gently, to see that lively smile reappear even if it was for a brief second. Cas furrowed his eyebrows at the thought.

Dean snorted before getting up from his seat. "Yeah and how am I supposed to believe that?" He asked, turning around to face his friend. "You've left before. I won't be surprised if you're gone by tomorrow."

Cas stood up as well and took a step closer to Dean. "Don't say that. I'm here for you-"

"Yeah, and why are you?"

But Cas didn't quite understand the question. Why was he? Well, why wouldn't he be? He squinted his eyes at Dean, trying to figure out the way to answer that, but he couldn't help thinking that the answer was obvious.

Dean licked his lips. "You're human now. Why are you wasting your time with me when you can be out there, trying to live a normal life?" He pointed towards the window.

That was an easy question. Cas walked forward again. "Because I want to be here," he said.

"I don't need your pity."

"It's not pity."

"Oh, it's pity," Dean said as he nodded. "I'm fine, Cas. So, go. Get away from us and live your own life."

And Castiel just stood there, in awe of what he was honestly hearing Dean tell him.

"I can't do that," he simply answered.

Dean felt frustration beginning to rise up in him. "Why not?!"

"Because I can't leave you, Dean."

"Yes you can! Now go!"

Cas frowned as he narrowed his eyes at the hunter. "No."

Dean laughed as he ran his fingers threw his hair, turning around so he wouldn't have to face Cas anymore.

Cas blinked, trying to understand what Dean was feeling. He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly hesitated to ask. Though Dean's silence forced him to. "Do you really not want me here?"

Dean took a deep breath, calming himself down before answering. "I'm just not sure if you wanna be here."

"I do. Of course I do."

And they stood in complete silence until Dean peeked at Cas from over his shoulder, feeling his eyes water. More fucking tears. But Dean sighed in relief from Cas' answer. He turned himself around.

"Sam and I won't be leaving you anytime soon," Castiel said. "I am sure of it."

Dean didn't know how badly he had needed to hear those words. He rushed over to Cas and wrapped his arms around him, embracing him closely as he pressed his forehead to the side of Cas' head. Cas felt his mouth slowly fall open. An unfamiliar, funny feeling began to fill his stomach, and although it felt strange, he liked it. Cas swallowed the lump in his throat as he returned the hug.

And it just felt so good, to have Dean in his arms. The corners of Castiel's lips rose and he closed his eyes.

"Thanks, Cas," Dean whispered.

Not wanting to let go, Cas tightened the embrace, but eventually, he knew it had to end. Dean smiled as he pulled away from the hug. He patted Cas' arm before taking his seat next to Sam as Cas walked up to the wall and leaned against it. The fallen angel tilted his head slightly as he looked at how quickly Dean's face could change from something of content to misery in just the matter of seconds. Cas just wanted to get down on his knees, get down and repeatedly apologize—apologize for not being able to help, to cure Sam and just put an end to Dean's agony. And he opened his mouth to say something, but then Dean turned to face him and Cas no longer could remember what he wanted to say. Dean only made it harder by keeping his stare on him, neither of them daring to utter a word.

Dean blinked and smiled and Castiel took his time appreciating that smile, because he knew the moment Dean turned back to look at Sam, it would fade as quickly as it came. Cas took a deep breath, pressing his head against the wall as he crossed his arms and just looked up at the ceiling because it was much less distracting than Dean's green eyes looking into him.

_"Cas," Dean breathlessly whispered in Cas' ear. _

_"Yes, Dean?" Cas opened his eyes, not realizing he had closed them and met with Dean's green eyes. _

_"I want you," Dean said as he leaned in. "So badly." _

Cas squeezed his eyebrows together, but the dream sequence continued to replay. _So badly. _What was so arousing about two simple words? _So badly. So badly. _Cas couldn't take it anymore. He let out a frustrated sigh.

"Dean, I'm going for a walk," he said suddenly and sternly.

Dean looked over at him again. "Oh, alright." He looked like he wanted to say more, but Cas left before he could.

This was normal. It was normal for someone to have these sort of thoughts, these urges. There was nothing out of the ordinary about it, but to have them for a friend? Was that normal? Did others feel as though they may be attractive to a good friend of theirs? Well, Cas didn't know, and it worried him. If Dean found out, things wouldn't go well. Things would only end in humiliation, rejection, and awkwardness, and Castiel wasn't going to risk his friendship with Dean over a mere sexual urge. He would get over it, with time, of course.

But why did Dean Winchester have to be so beautiful?

* * *

"This is why I stick to burgers and fries," Dean said as he looked over the menu at a restaurant he was at with Cas. "I don't trust half the things on this."

It was later in the afternoon and after much persuasion again, Cas managed to get Dean out of the hospital for some lunch, or dinner, whichever Dean wanted to call it.

"Yes, well, I did say we could return to the diner from yesterday," Cas told him.

"Yeah, but I thought we could do with a little change." Dean shrugged.

Cas looked up from his menu and smiled at how Dean rose his eyebrow in concentration. After his walk earlier, the _urges_ relaxed, and he found it easier to be in the same room as Dean without feeling strange because of the dream. That damn dream; it was ruining everything.

"Hmm, so what are you getting?" Dean asked, setting his menu aside.

"I was thinking about the pasta-"

"Alright, I'll go with that, too."

Cas squinted his eyes as he looked at Dean again. "Which one?"

"Whichever one you get. I don't care, man. I'm hungry."

They ordered two plates of spaghetti and meatballs and Cas was relieved that Dean mainly talked as they ate. He couldn't bare another silent meal. Dean did talk about Sam, on and on about more of their good childhood memories, how he tried to keep Sam away from anything supernatural, away from the hunter life and Cas played with his food as he listened. He could hear the guilty tone in Dean's voice.

"You always blame yourself, Dean," Cas spoke up. "But none of that was your fault. You didn't have any control-"

"But I was supposed to, Cas. I was supposed to be in charge and take care of him, and because I didn't, we ended up here." Dean set his fork down and pushed his almost empty plate forward. "I'm full," he softly said as he looked away from Castiel's gaze.

"So am I." Cas copied his actions and for a moment, they sat still, none of them saying anything.

But Dean eventually broke the silence. "It's your turn to sleep in that bed. I'll stay in the hospital."

Cas couldn't stop the smirk from forming on his face. "Are we taking turns?"

"Yes, we are." Dean smiled back.

"Well, don't be ridiculous, Dean. I'm fine with sleeping in a chair. You deserve the rest more than I do."

"Is that your way of telling me I look like shit?"

Cas' eyes widened and he quickly shook his head. "N-no. That wasn't what I meant at all."

Dean grinned before he began to laugh. "I know, Cas. I'm just messing with you."

Cas sighed and relaxed as he smiled again. "My intentions aren't ever to offend you, Dean."

The hunter felt his heart tingle a little at those words, just hearing how Cas would never want to actually hurt him, make him feel low about himself. No. Cas didn't want that at all. He wanted to do quite the opposite and make Dean feel good, and Dean knew that and it just made him want to keep smiling.

* * *

Dean returned back to the hospital alone as Castiel made his way to the motel. Sam still lied there, not making any sort of sound except for his soft breathing. Dean licked his lips and took his usual seat. He reached forward and placed his hand on Sam's arm.

"Hey, Sammy," he said. "I wish I could get you to wake up. I don't know what's going on in that head of yours and that scares me." Dean inhaled a deep breath before continuing. "It scares me a lot. I'll try to ask for help, maybe find an angel out there who can come. I know if you could hear me saying this over and over, you would finally just tell me to shut up and move on, but I can't move on, Sam. You're my brother. We don't just give up on each other."

With still no response, Dean cleared his throat. "Look, I'll talk about something else for a change. How does that sound?" He smiled even though Sam still didn't say anything.

"Just wait until you see how Cas is now," he began, chuckling a little at the thought of Cas actually wearing an outfit that didn't consist of a trench coat. "He's..." Dean paused as his smile faded. "He's really something. Well, he's always been something, right? Yeah, dude changes, but he doesn't really change, you know what I mean?"

Dean patted his jeans and his eyebrows furrowed to find that he didn't have his cell phone. "Damnit," he said under his breathe. "I'll be back, Sammy." He jumped up from his seat and quickly headed out of there and out from the building.

He would head over to the motel, grab his cell phone, and be back in no time. No problem. Turning the doorknob of the room, Dean rolled his eyes to find it unlocked. Didn't Cas understand he had to be more careful than to leave doors unlocked? Probably not. He still needed to adjust better to life without his angel powers. Dean slowly closed the door behind as he fully entered the room.

Castiel was fast asleep on the bed and Dean smiled at the sight of a sleeping Cas with his mouth partly open. His cell phone was on the bedside table and he went over to grab it when he heard Cas utter out his name. Dean stopped immediately and looked at Cas, and waited. Had he waken Cas? Was he really that much of a light sleeper?

"Yeah, Cas?" Dean asked, raising an eyebrow.

But Cas didn't say anything until he turned over onto his side, smiling as he uttered out, "Dean," again. Both of Dean's eyebrows rose as he stepped back.

"You dreaming about me?" He asked, even though he knew Cas was too deep in his sleep to hear him. Just the way Cas was barely smiling in his sleep was enough to make Dean step back forward and gently take a seat on the bed.

Dean reached his hand out, but hesitated, curling his fingers. He looked over Castiel's features, how peaceful he seemed to be while asleep. Dean sighed through his nose and allowed himself to stroke Cas' hair. It tickled against his fingers, but he liked it.

"I'm here, Cas," he whispered.

Cas seemed to lean a little into the touch and Dean stopped moving his hand. He swallowed hard as he trailed his fingers down to Cas' cheek. The soft touch tingled against Cas' skin and he groaned a little before opening his eyes. Looking up, they widened to see Dean sitting there.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

Dean didn't know what to say. He just stared, lips parted and blinking hard before turning away. He grabbed his phone off the table and held it up. Cas nodded and sat up a little.

"Uh, yeah," Dean said. "Forgot my phone so I came to get it. Sorry for waking you."

"That's alright."

"I'll see you in the morning."

Castiel nodded. "Yes, goodnight Dean."

"Sweet dreams, Cas," Dean said, and he quickly looked away before Cas could see the stupid grin on his face. He quietly closed the door and sighed as he pressed his forward against it.

"It's just so cute how you two are so hopelessly in love with each other," a voice said from behind and Dean turned around to find Abaddon standing there, a mischievous smile on her face.

"Actually, I take that back, it's pathetic," she said.

Dean wrinkled up his nose as he glared at her. "What the hell do you want?"

"Little fallen angels without their wings. I couldn't resist." She stepped forward to the door, but Dean pressed his back against it. "What's the matter, Dean?" She asked.

"You're not gonna touch him. I won't let you."

Abaddon grinned and rolled her eyes. "But all I want to do is rip that grace from his chest."

"He doesn't even have it anymore."

"What?" But Abaddon laughed and crossed her arms. "Then I'll use him to find the others. Either way, he'll come in handy somehow."

Dean narrowed his eyes at the redheaded demon. "I said you're not gonna touch him."

Abaddon felt herself becoming impatient. She wasn't going to take 'no' from a human. "I'll actually let you live, Dean, if you move this instant."

"Go look for them yourself. Leave Cas out of it."

Abaddon grinned again as she stepped closer. "Look at you. So weak, so infatuated. It's the problem with you humans. You just don't know how to turn away from your emotions, your feelings. You'll see that if you just ignore them, everything is so much easier."

But Dean didn't respond to that. He just looked away from her.

"Oh, and Dean, how's your bother, by the way?"

Dean's expression softened and his eyes widened, but when he turned back to face her, she was gone.

"No," he whispered. "No. No. No!" Dean took off running back to the hospital, hoping, just honestly _hoping_ Abaddon wasn't there. The nurses tried calming him down, not understanding why he was in such a rush, but he ignored them all as he made his way up to Sam's room.

"Sammy?!" He called and he came to a halt when he saw Sam still there, lying in the same position. "Oh, man," Dean sighed in relief.

"Wake up!" Abaddon said as he snapped her fingers in Castiel's face.

Cas furrowed his eyebrows, a little annoyed that he awaken again, but he opened his eyes and gasped to see black eyes staring at him.

"Where are they?" Abaddon asked.

Cas squinted his eyes, tilting his head slightly.

Abaddon groaned. "Your angel friends. _Where are they_?" She asked through clenched teeth.

"I have no idea."

"You can't lie to me."

"I'm not."

Abaddon studied Cas' face and as much as she hated to admit it, she did see sincerity in those bright blue eyes.

"Then you'll find out where they are," she said. "Because I will be back for the answer."

"Why do you want them, anyway?" Cas asked.

"Their powers. I do understand they can be useful." She smiled wide and when she saw fear in Cas' eyes, she frowned. "You will do this or I'll hurt _him_... both of them, actually."

"No," Cas said immediately after. "You won't."

"Then do as I say." Abaddon stepped back and turned to head to the door, but as she placed her hand on the doorknob, she glanced at Cas over her shoulder. "You should know that since Crowley's captured and vulnerable, I'm the one in charge. Remember that, sweet little Castiel."

Cas opened his mouth to say something, but she was gone before he could and lied back down. It was the first time he had felt so worthless without his powers. He couldn't help Sam. He couldn't stop Abaddon. What could he do?

The sight of Dean's smile crept into his mind and Cas found himself smiling.

Dean. He could be there for Dean, at least, but that was enough. Yet the unsettling thought of what Abaddon might do made it hard for Cas to fall back asleep. He didn't want to tell Dean about it. He didn't want to drag the hunter into his own mess. Not anymore. Cas knew he had to keep this to himself, handle it himself as best as he could and keep Dean sane while Sam got better.

No matter what, he would be there for Dean, because he felt it was the only thing he could successfully do.


	5. Chapter Five

"I don't care what you think!" Castiel could hear Dean yelling from down the hall and he quickened his steps to reach him and see what was going on.

The doctor standing in front Dean sighed and shook his head. "Then why do you insist on asking if you already know what I think?"

"Maybe because I think you'll get some sense knocked into you," Dean told him.

"Dean, what's the matter?" Cas asked, but Dean ignored him.

The hunter raised a finger up. "You're not gonna give up on him," he said sternly. "You can't just give up on someone who still has a chance, and don't you DARE tell me that Sam doesn't have a chance, because I KNOW him. He's a fighter."

And that was enough for Cas to realize to know exactly what they were arguing about.

"Dean, relax," Cas said, reaching out and gently grabbing Dean's arm.

Dean glared at the fallen angel before pulling his arm free. "Stay out of this, Cas!"

"Listen," the doctor spoke up. "We'll continue to try our best."

"Yeah, well try harder," Dean said but the doctor turned away and left without saying another word.

"I'm sorry, Dean-"

"No, don't, Cas." Dean shook his head. "Don't apologize, just don't say anything. I don't wanna hear it, okay?"

Cas frowned, but nodded. They both walked into the room and Cas watched as Dean just sat himself down next to Sam and grabbed his brother's hand before burying his face into the bed and crying. And he just sat there, making whimpering noises as he curled his fingers into tight fists while Cas stood nearby, wondering what to do. He wanted to hold Dean, squeeze him tightly and gently run his fingers through his hair. Could he do that? He slowly began approaching Dean.

"Dean," he said softly.

But Dean didn't respond. He only continued to cry, gasping every now and then. Cas crouched down and stroked Dean's hair, starting slowly.

"Cas, stop," Dean mumbled, but Cas didn't stop. "Cas," Dean mumbled again and he looked up and over at him. "I can't do this anymore." His eyes were red and puffy, it felt as though something was pinching at Cas' heart from the sight.

"I-I can't," Dean said again.

"Yes, you can, Dean. You're much stronger than you give yourself credit-"

'No, no, no." The hunter squeezed his eyes tight as he felt more tears coming and he leaned forward, closer to Cas, before grabbing him and just holding him.

Cas could feel tears trickling down his neck and he closed his eyes, trying to contain himself from feeling worse than he already did. He wanted to be brave for Dean, but seeing him this destroyed was painful. He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck.

_"You will do this, or I'll hurt __**him**__... both of them, actually."_

"Dean, I know I'm not much help anymore," Cas whispered and Dean sniffled as he furrowed his eyebrows, but he listened. "But I'm still here, I'll still protect you."

Dean pulled away from the hug, some tears still rolling down his face.

"I'll always protect you," Cas told him. He gently wiped away the tears from Dean's cheeks with his thumb.

Dean kept a stern look on his face, but he grabbed Castiel's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, smiling softly after a moment.

"Me too," he said.

Cas began feeling his heart race a little from how Dean was still holding his hand. He swallowed hard, keeping himself calm, but why wouldn't Dean just let go? And he didn't want to pull away. He stiffened when he saw Dean's eyes go down to his lips and he couldn't pretend he was comfortable with it anymore. Cas quickly pulled his hand away and got up to his feet, turning away and walking over to the window. Dean just sat there, eyebrows slightly furrowed, wondering what he did wrong.

"Cas," Dean said softly as he got up to his feet finally. "You alright?"

Cas tried swallowing, but suddenly, his whole mouth felt dry and he didn't know what was really bothering him. It wasn't the moment he had just shared with Dean. No, he liked that, a lot. He just didn't like that he liked it. Being so attached to Dean Winchester had always been dangerous and wonderful. And then there was Abaddon and her threats. How was Cas supposed to look for the other angels? He had no clue of where they could even be, of where to even start to look.

"Cas," Dean said again, moving towards him. "Hey-"

"Dean, it's nothing." Cas took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm fine."

Dean grabbed Cas' shoulder and spun him around. "Just like you're here for me, I'm here for you."

"Yes, I understand that."

"So, you're not lying? You're really alright?"

"Yes."

Dean raised an eyebrow slightly, studying Castiel's expression, but he decided to believe him... for now. Nodding, Dean smiled and crossed his arms as he and Cas stared out the window.

"Soon this will all be over, Dean," Cas said in a soft voice. "And things will return to the way they were."

"Yeah, that's what I keep trying to tell myself, but it's all starting to sound like bullshit to me," Dean said with a sigh.

Cas parted his lips slightly, wanting to say more, but he couldn't think of the right words to say. Just telling someone that things would be okay wasn't good enough. Dean needed more than simple comforting words. He needed a distraction. The problem was, Castiel didn't know how to exactly do that. He squinted his eyes as he thought deeply about it.

"How does pie sound?" He asked.

Dean almost laughed at the extreme randomness that was, but he suppressed it and shook his head instead. "Pie isn't the solution to everything, man."

"It's not?" Cas asked, tilting his head slightly and Dean looked at him with a softened expression and no longer than fifteen minutes later, they found themselves sitting at a counter at a small diner.

Dean hummed approvingly as he chewed on the pecan pie the waitress had recommended to him. Cas indulged himself in a small slice of apple, smiling in amusement at the sounds Dean was making. Pie could easily give that man all the satisfaction.

"You never disappoint," the hunter said to his dessert and Cas furrowed his eyebrows before laughing softly.

Dean raised an eyebrow as he looked over at Cas. "What? A man can't be friendly to his pie?"

"Can he?" Cas asked, a playful smile on his face.

Dean began to laugh, facing down as the laugh grew stronger and Castiel didn't understand why that was apparently hilarious, but he smiled anyway. This was the distraction Dean needed. It was all that mattered. As Cas left to use the restroom, Dean gave into temptation and stole a piece of the apple pie, stuffing it into his mouth just as the fallen angel returned and from the look of amusement on Cas' face, Dean knew he was caught.

"If you wanted a piece," Cas started, "There would have been no harm in asking."

Dean shrugged as he swallowed. "But what's the fun in that?"

Everything in that small moment, just Dean happily smiling as he enjoyed himself with his favorite food, Cas couldn't think of anything better he could be doing. If Sam was awake and well, then things would actually be perfect, but it was the best they could get to perfection in the time being. Abaddon's words flooded Cas' mind again and he had to look away from Dean to hide his look of discomfort, suddenly too full to even think about finishing his pie. He gently slide the pie towards Dean, still not facing him, and mumbled to him that he could eat it. Dean blinked, staring at Cas curiously for a minute before accepting the piece.

"Something's on your mind," Dean said softly but Cas didn't answer.

* * *

Back at the hospital, once the clock said it was nine PM, Dean turned to face Castiel with a small smile.

"Hey, listen," he said, "I wanna be with Sam tonight. I want you to sleep in the motel again."

Cas licked his lips, trying to find out what to say. "Dean, no. Our deal is-"

"I know we switch nights, but Cas, let me stay here and tomorrow I'll sleep in the motel." Dean swallowed hard, staring at Cas with a begging look that Cas couldn't resist saying no to.

"If we do this," Cas said, "Then you have to promise that you will sleep in the motel two nights in a row."

"I don't see why it's a big deal-"

"It's a big deal because it consists of you getting a decent rest," Cas sternly said, narrowing his eyes at the hunter.

Despite the tone in that voice, Dean still smiled as he nodded, knowing Cas was just displaying how he cares about him.

"Alright, I'll do that," he said and Cas sighed with what sounded like relief. Dean watched as Cas grabbed his things, giving Dean one last look before exiting the room.

Dean scooted his chair closer to Sam and leaned back in the seat, attempting to get comfortable. With two fingers, he rubbed his forehead, grunting at the annoying headache that had been forming there since he and Cas returned from the diner. To make matters worse, that damn chair seemed to be getting less and less tolerable each time he sat in it. His eyes felt sore with the need to sleep, and he closed them in hopes that he would end up doing so. When he opened his tired eyes again, he found that an hour have passed and still nothing.

He was tired, no doubt about it, but the ache in his head and the discomfort underneath him was making it impossible. Dean groaned as he leaned forward and rubbed his face.

"I'm just asking for an hour of sleep, at least," he told himself. "Just an hour, or even more." He barely covered his mouth as he yawned, his eyes getting watery afterwards. Dean continued rubbing his head, thinking that if he massaged it long enough, the pain would ease, but once he stopped moving his fingers, the pain slowly reappeared.

"Son of a bitch," he mumbled.

The memory of his comfortable bed, _his _bed, back at the bunker made him frown, thinking about how much he missed sleeping in that. He never really had the time to cherish it. Then his mind wandered off to another bed—the motel bed. It wasn't the ideal place to sleep, but when it came between a chair and that, Dean couldn't argue. A part of him kind of wished he would have just gone now that he felt desperately exhausted. Cas was there, sleeping in that bed, probably snuggled up and comfortable just as he looked the night before. The corners of Dean's lips rose uncontrollably as he remembered that.

Castiel slumped onto the bed after attempting to wash himself up in the bathroom. He pulled the covers over him and turned over on his side, but sleep was the last thing on his mind. Something about this didn't feel right. It was Dean's night to be sleeping there, not his, but Cas couldn't blame him for wanting to be with Sam. He shook his head and slowly closed his eyes. Eventually he would fall asleep and the faster he did, the faster he can wake up and return to Dean's side. He thought about Sam, about how badly damaged the younger Winchester was from doing those trials. Cas squeezed his eyes, not wanting to remember, but he couldn't shake away the way he felt—how he wished he could take Sam out of that dreadful condition, heal him back to how he was. Opening his eyes, Cas lifted his hand to stare at it. He wiggled his fingers slowly, examining them as if staring would do anything. With his grace, one single touch could help Sam in some way. Cas let out a soft breath and put his hand down.

It was useless being upset over something he had no control of, but it wasn't fair that Metatron had to take it away from him. Why his out every other angel? What made him so special? Castiel knew he would be up all night if he tried to figure it out, and therefore, he dismissed the thoughts and closed his eyes again, shifting a little to get more comfortable, his hand sliding under the pillow.

Dean took out his cell phone from his pocket and placed it in Sam's hand.

"If you wake up," he whispered to his brother, "then you all you gotta do is dial the number that's there when you unlock it. It's the number to the motel. I know you'll know what to do." Dean's eyebrows furrowed a bit as he stared at Sam's pale face, hesitating before finally sighing and turning to exit the room.

He stopped at the door, looking back at Sam, asking himself whether sleep was really worth it. The thought of just leaving Sam there, alone and vulnerable made his stomach turn and he leaned against the door. His head was now beginning to pound and his eyes were screaming for rest. He just wanted a bed to sleep in, somewhere his head can lay on instead of falling forward. Dean found himself standing outside his and Cas' motel room moments later, feeling regret from leaving Sam, but he told himself he was only going to stay a few hours, just to get some sleep, and then he would be back at the hospital. It was just to ease his head and eyes.

Cas rubbed his face in the pillow, but froze instantly when he heard the door creaking. His eyes opened wide as his heart began to race. Dean slowly closed the door behind him and made his way over to the bed, practically on his toes as he walked in hopes that he wouldn't wake Cas. He sat down at the edge of the bed and Cas held his breath, but when he heard shoes being thrown off, he released it. _Dean. _

Dean turned over and smiled softly as he stared at the back of Castiel's head. "Goodnight, Cas," he whispered.

Cas didn't want to say or do anything, knowing that Dean believed he was asleep, but he couldn't stop from rolling himself over to face Dean. A gentle smile was on Cas' face and Dean laughed weakly.

"I was trying not to wake you up," Dean told him.

Cas didn't bother telling him that he was already awake. He continued to stare at Dean with the same smile. He saw how Dean's eyes seemed to glisten with the moonlight coming in front outside through the curtains. The sight gave his heart a sort of tingle that ran down into his stomach, and he didn't even care of how strange it was anymore. He knew it was true, that he had feelings for Dean, that he always had this connection to him, more than just friendship. It was those beautiful green eyes that told a thousand stories, that looked at Cas with sincerity and trust. And to Cas, Dean epitomized a book that once it was open, it couldn't be put down. Dean kept dragging Castiel in without probably wanting to from just being him. Dean wasn't perfect. He had his faults and his bent edges, but even with those, Cas still couldn't dare to put that book away. He somehow just knew he could never grow tired of Dean. There was always something new with him, something different.

_You fascinate me, Dean Winchester, _Cas thought to himself as he closed his eyes again, this time, feeling much more content. He didn't understand why Dean was even there, yet Cas was glad he was, though he figured Dean wouldn't be staying too long.

Dean grinned lopsidedly before closing his eyes as well. The warmth from Cas sleeping next to him was enough to make him fall asleep. Around three hours passed and as if on cue, Dean opened his eyes to find Castiel deep in his sleep still, breathing slowly. Dean got up and out of the bed as quietly as he possibly could. He turned around and smiled at Cas. Cas made sleeping more look tempting, but Dean felt satisfied enough. His headache was gone and his eyes were no longer sore. He stretched a little as he yawned. It was just past one in the morning and Dean hurriedly headed for the door and Cas remained asleep, not waking until hours later when the sun rose.


End file.
